


but i love

by gabriphales



Series: gomens drabble hell [18]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabriphales/pseuds/gabriphales
Summary: aziraphale's engaged. crowley finds out
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: gomens drabble hell [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664713
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	but i love

**Author's Note:**

> i think i read a tumblr text post this is loosely inspired by rip

"i'm engaged." 

crowley's stomach doesn't even have the capacity to flip in on itself. his mouth stays dry and quiet, his head vacantly empty. his fingers twitch where he holds the wretched flask by its lid. and aziraphale - aziraphale won't even look at him. aziraphale won't even try. 

"i'm sorry?" crowley says. there's nothing to be sorry for, yet he's sure he must have misheard. aziraphale can't... his angel can't be _serious._ they've known each other for how long now? six thousand years? aziraphale's never even mentioned so much as a stray lover, or brief romantic fling. 

crowley's always just assumed he's as loveless as the rest of heaven's angels.

"you heard me, dear. it's my own fault, i should have told you sooner. only i - i didn't want to seem assuming - didn't want to assume that you had an interest in me." aziraphale explains. his apology is like cold water poured down the back of crowley's turtleneck. he can hardly struggle to shiver, his body stuck between the need to express physical grief, and wanting to stay quite still, entirely still - as still as possible.

"but we... you _love_ me, angel. don't deny it, i know you do." crowley spits out, the bitter rush cooling on his tongue like ice left to melt between his teeth. he's gritting his molars together, grinding what feels like cement and porcelain down until his tongue catches on the edge of a particularly sharp tooth. and he bites, he _bites._ he has to, how else can he work through a wreck like this?

aziraphale's eyes meet his own. they're indecipherable. "i can't tell you anything that's going to make you feel better, can i?"

"who's the lucky human?" crowley quips. the last of his anger has already melted away into pooling agony. like murky puddle water left to decay in a festering rot of leaves and dead bugs on the side of the road.

"not human." aziraphale says. he's biting his tongue too. crowley can hear it.

"then who?"

"it'll hurt you more to hear it now."

"don't make decisions for me. i want to know."

aziraphale looks wretched. "you won't want it once i tell you."

crowley blinks. once, twice. he's fevered with paroxysms. heat licking around the bottom of his stomach, like fire underneath a boiling pot.

"i will," he softens. "i will, just - please, angel."

and aziraphale can't deny that. "it's somebody you know. somebody you met a very long time ago."

crowley doesn't say anything more. he knows silence will drag this from aziraphale better than additional pleading will.

"he - dear god, you'll hate me for this."

"never, aziraphale." crowley says, as sincere as ever. "i'd never hate you."

"it's gabriel."

and crowley pauses. crowley lets the words wash over him, and he feels rather like he's just gone about poking into iced-over waters, only to find the pond's far deeper than its shallows let on. the ice has cracked, now. he's fallen under. and aziraphale's on the other end. aziraphale's reaching out for him.

or maybe that's just crowley's perception of him. a hand waving goodbye can look quite a bit like a hand held out in offering, after all.

"oh. well. that's no problem, angel. thank you for telling me." crowley says, sounding too fogged over for his usually cool exterior to make compromise with. 

aziraphale sucks in air between his teeth like he's forgotten how to breathe - and that he doesn't need to. 

"my apologies, dearest. i only didn't tell you before for fear of hurting you worse." he says. 

"course, of course. nothing to worry about. just - get out, please."

aziraphale eyes glaze over with something shiny and wet. they're wide, wide open and hurt. and crowley doesn't have an answer to the question he's clearly asking.

"crowley," he mutters. it's soft. too soft. crowley's ears sting with the force of his subtle begging,

"see you around, yeah? gotta get back to heavenly angel things, i expect. go. have fun. don't worry about me."

aziraphale seems to accept his fate, then. he steps out of the car, breathing heavily as he gives crowley a lingering, miserable look. crowley won't dare let himself look back. his head's planted on the dashboard, weighed down like he's never felt before.

and when the crunch of delicate, vintage shoes on concrete fades away, only then does crowley let himself cry.


End file.
